Tag Archives: Kidless

If I had a day without kids…

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If you asked me what I would do if I had an entire day without kids…

I would sleep in and then have a leisurely casual breakfast at my favorite coffee shop with my husband while reading the newspaper and enjoying a latte.

We’d spend the morning poking around downtown shops and plan our next vacation before stopping somewhere new for lunch.

In the afternoon, we’d catch a movie and snack on candy in the back of the theater, head home and read a book over a glass of wine/beer before trying a new recipe for dinner

We’d meet friend for drinks and then come home and fight over the remote in bed while catching up on tv and talking about our day.

That’s what I would say I’d like to do if I had a day without kids, but if I had a day without kids…

I’d wake up at 6:30 a.m. frantically wondering where the screaming alarm clock was and why there were no yelling demands for cereeeeaaaal and MAAAAMAAAAA, and I’d be wide awake and unable to sleep, wondering if they had already woken their babysitters. I might get that latte and coffee shop where we’d talk about the news and briefly enjoy the quiet and then wonder what they were up to and if they were behaving. We’d go shopping in the morning where I’d involuntarily turn around to the sound of every random child’s voice and be constantly looking for my small companions even though they weren’t there. Lunch would be somewhere completely child unfriendly where I would savor the ability to eat a meal at a restaurant without having to entertain anyone and then we’d head to a movie preferably devoid of children all while trying to avoid the nagging sensation to check in on them. Dinner conversation would eventually turn to the kids, what stages their going through, who needs what, what funny things they did, then with no one to tuck in and say good night to, we’d fight over the remote and wonder when we should pick up the kids.

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Lies Parents Tell Themselves Before Children

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“We’re never going to sit in a restaurant while our children scream”

“We will never ever bribe our children”

“My children will never have snotty noses, where are all the tissues?”

“Our children will never be that naughty”

“If our kids cry like that, we’ll leave the store IMMEDIATELY”

“We’ll never let our children sleep with us”

“Our kids clothes will always match”

“I am absolutely going to have a natural childbirth” (Major props to you that do!!!)

“I will never quote my mother”

“Our house will never look like that”

“Our kids will never have that many toys”

“Our baby will sleep through the night, and if she/he doesn’t they can just cry themselves to sleep”

“We can do all the things we did before with kids”

“Our kids won’t fight like that”

and the list goes on and on and on…I mean it this could be like a 10 parter!

It’s like from the moment you recognize that you want to or will have children, you start mounting this little righteous front about how you will be a superb parent. Most likely setting yourself up for complete failure. Maybe you are the supermom who can do it all but if you’ve never bribed your child in a moment of weakness/emergency or forgotten to swipe the permanently dripping green snot off their nose in a sleep induced coma after two weeks of circulating the flu around your house, I will be amazed and perhaps inspired to reach a new level of mothersainthood, that even the church doesn’t recognize.

So we tell ourselves these little lies and they build up into this attitude. Then we have children and we become completely fucking unglued. That’s okay though, as long as we can bend, stretch, flex, adjust and grow in our attitude towards parenthood we’ll be okay. The biggest thing is to not be too much of a critic on yourself. If you bribe your child the moment you walk into Target, 4 days a week, you’ve got a problem. If you pull it out occasionally in times of emergency or just to retain your sanity (as long as your sanity doesn’t require it 4 days a week) so what. If your toddler spent the better part of her first 1.5 years sleeping with you, I’m sure there was a reason, we sure had ours. It’s not like most people take a perfect crib sleeper and toss them in their bed for funsies. So don’t get down on yourself if you told a few lies before this whole adventure began. Look back on them, recognize them and laugh at them.

And remember, I’m only writing this post so I can feel better about myself, not make you feel worse, no judgment over here. What’s the best lie you told yourself before kids?