“We’re never going to sit in a restaurant while our children scream”
“We will never ever bribe our children”
“My children will never have snotty noses, where are all the tissues?”
“Our children will never be that naughty”
“If our kids cry like that, we’ll leave the store IMMEDIATELY”
“We’ll never let our children sleep with us”
“Our kids clothes will always match”
“I am absolutely going to have a natural childbirth” (Major props to you that do!!!)
“I will never quote my mother”
“Our house will never look like that”
“Our kids will never have that many toys”
“Our baby will sleep through the night, and if she/he doesn’t they can just cry themselves to sleep”
“We can do all the things we did before with kids”
“Our kids won’t fight like that”
and the list goes on and on and on…I mean it this could be like a 10 parter!
It’s like from the moment you recognize that you want to or will have children, you start mounting this little righteous front about how you will be a superb parent. Most likely setting yourself up for complete failure. Maybe you are the supermom who can do it all but if you’ve never bribed your child in a moment of weakness/emergency or forgotten to swipe the permanently dripping green snot off their nose in a sleep induced coma after two weeks of circulating the flu around your house, I will be amazed and perhaps inspired to reach a new level of
mothersainthood, that even the church doesn’t recognize.
So we tell ourselves these little lies and they build up into this attitude. Then we have children and we become completely fucking unglued. That’s okay though, as long as we can bend, stretch, flex, adjust and grow in our attitude towards parenthood we’ll be okay. The biggest thing is to not be too much of a critic on yourself. If you bribe your child the moment you walk into Target, 4 days a week, you’ve got a problem. If you pull it out occasionally in times of emergency or just to retain your sanity (as long as your sanity doesn’t require it 4 days a week) so what. If your toddler spent the better part of her first 1.5 years sleeping with you, I’m sure there was a reason, we sure had ours. It’s not like most people take a perfect crib sleeper and toss them in their bed for funsies. So don’t get down on yourself if you told a few lies before this whole adventure began. Look back on them, recognize them and laugh at them.
And remember, I’m only writing this post so I can feel better about myself, not make you feel worse, no judgment over here. What’s the best lie you told yourself before kids?