Tag Archives: Family

My Daughter Eats Crayons

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My first child had unusually particular tastes. He never ate anything that was not edible, and refused to eat several things that were. You don’t have to believe me but it’s true, although we routinely vacuumed and generally tried not to give him small objects to test this strange set of circumstances, he was not a child who learned through taste. He never picked things up off the floor, rarely chewed on toys unless he was teething and after so long it just became a non concern. I didn’t wonder about him eating small parts, I didn’t worry about toys with small pieces he was just completely uninterested. And then came his sister. Everything goes into her mouth and has since she was old enough to put things into it. To my knowledge she’s never swallowed a hard object, although she has eaten a dishwashing pod and licked lotion and suntan lotion off her hands/arms. She’s tried to eat her butt paste and frequently takes bites outs of crayons. I think she’s either licked or chewed on nearly every toy we own, she even likes to chew on the corner of books. Once while we were painting in the bathroom, she walked in, dipped her hand in the paint can and licked it. I feel like the poison control lady may know me by name. Please don’t think we’re careless, poisonous liquids/cleaning supplies are in a locked cabinet or beyond her reach, with the exception of the one time she got ahold of the dishwasher pod. One doesn’t generally think their 2-year-old will eat the paint while their painting. Or perhaps I’m just naive. Thankfully we use mostly natural products so we’ve never had an issue. But when does it end? This strange phase has lasted nearly two years, she is 2.5 next month and today, she unwrapped her crayon and took a massive bite out of the middle, chewed it for a bit and then decided nope not something to swallow and spit it out. As I’m typing this she’s chewing on my iPhone cord. Do I have two different extremes or do most 2 year olds just like to eat crayons? Also do you think the Crayola ones taste better?

 

Please substitute Crayons for Dirt

 

Today’s Swear Word begins with the Letter B!

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I walked into a very dramatic scene yesterday involving lots of cars and trucks, crashing sounds (Boom, Bash, BAM), yelling and then the ultimate slam when the transformer swept in and told the weakly digger to “Move over you big boo boo”!!!!

I.DIE.

I had to walk away so as not to keel over laughing then and there. I really should be thankful, we can be sorta potty mouths over here, but if that’s the best he’s got at 3 1/2 I’m thankful for that, once preschool starts I feel like his vocabulary will grow extensively and not in all the ways we want.

So in the meantime, “You big Boo Boo” whatever that is, works for me.

I may have to try it myself some time!

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If I had a day without kids…

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If you asked me what I would do if I had an entire day without kids…

I would sleep in and then have a leisurely casual breakfast at my favorite coffee shop with my husband while reading the newspaper and enjoying a latte.

We’d spend the morning poking around downtown shops and plan our next vacation before stopping somewhere new for lunch.

In the afternoon, we’d catch a movie and snack on candy in the back of the theater, head home and read a book over a glass of wine/beer before trying a new recipe for dinner

We’d meet friend for drinks and then come home and fight over the remote in bed while catching up on tv and talking about our day.

That’s what I would say I’d like to do if I had a day without kids, but if I had a day without kids…

I’d wake up at 6:30 a.m. frantically wondering where the screaming alarm clock was and why there were no yelling demands for cereeeeaaaal and MAAAAMAAAAA, and I’d be wide awake and unable to sleep, wondering if they had already woken their babysitters. I might get that latte and coffee shop where we’d talk about the news and briefly enjoy the quiet and then wonder what they were up to and if they were behaving. We’d go shopping in the morning where I’d involuntarily turn around to the sound of every random child’s voice and be constantly looking for my small companions even though they weren’t there. Lunch would be somewhere completely child unfriendly where I would savor the ability to eat a meal at a restaurant without having to entertain anyone and then we’d head to a movie preferably devoid of children all while trying to avoid the nagging sensation to check in on them. Dinner conversation would eventually turn to the kids, what stages their going through, who needs what, what funny things they did, then with no one to tuck in and say good night to, we’d fight over the remote and wonder when we should pick up the kids.

Know You’re a Mommy When; Superhuman Thermostat

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Lies Parents Tell Themselves Before Children

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“We’re never going to sit in a restaurant while our children scream”

“We will never ever bribe our children”

“My children will never have snotty noses, where are all the tissues?”

“Our children will never be that naughty”

“If our kids cry like that, we’ll leave the store IMMEDIATELY”

“We’ll never let our children sleep with us”

“Our kids clothes will always match”

“I am absolutely going to have a natural childbirth” (Major props to you that do!!!)

“I will never quote my mother”

“Our house will never look like that”

“Our kids will never have that many toys”

“Our baby will sleep through the night, and if she/he doesn’t they can just cry themselves to sleep”

“We can do all the things we did before with kids”

“Our kids won’t fight like that”

and the list goes on and on and on…I mean it this could be like a 10 parter!

It’s like from the moment you recognize that you want to or will have children, you start mounting this little righteous front about how you will be a superb parent. Most likely setting yourself up for complete failure. Maybe you are the supermom who can do it all but if you’ve never bribed your child in a moment of weakness/emergency or forgotten to swipe the permanently dripping green snot off their nose in a sleep induced coma after two weeks of circulating the flu around your house, I will be amazed and perhaps inspired to reach a new level of mothersainthood, that even the church doesn’t recognize.

So we tell ourselves these little lies and they build up into this attitude. Then we have children and we become completely fucking unglued. That’s okay though, as long as we can bend, stretch, flex, adjust and grow in our attitude towards parenthood we’ll be okay. The biggest thing is to not be too much of a critic on yourself. If you bribe your child the moment you walk into Target, 4 days a week, you’ve got a problem. If you pull it out occasionally in times of emergency or just to retain your sanity (as long as your sanity doesn’t require it 4 days a week) so what. If your toddler spent the better part of her first 1.5 years sleeping with you, I’m sure there was a reason, we sure had ours. It’s not like most people take a perfect crib sleeper and toss them in their bed for funsies. So don’t get down on yourself if you told a few lies before this whole adventure began. Look back on them, recognize them and laugh at them.

And remember, I’m only writing this post so I can feel better about myself, not make you feel worse, no judgment over here. What’s the best lie you told yourself before kids?

A Letter to Today’s Youth

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Dear Today’s Youth,

Stop growing up so fast. Do you really have any idea what’s in store for you? Today, my 3-year-old told me that he wanted to grow up so that he could go to work. My response? “No, you absolutely do not, enjoy this time to play” We’ve always advocated play and fought the good fight against the media, technology companies, Disney and retail stores like Justice and Abercrombie and Fitch kids divisions who keep trying to turn children into miniature adults. Children these days have so many different devices from the time they can hold them on, that it’s amazing they can see straight. There are actually toys designed to hold Mommy and Daddy’s iPhones for use by a 1-year-old or less.  But do they seem any happier or better for it? What is the benefit of growing up from a teen or preteen’s perspective? I remember thinking that growing up was synonymous with freedom, and that no one would be dictating what I did so naturally I would always be happy and entertained. Really, life would be good. What these mini adults fail to realize is that adulthood comes with its own new set of challenges. Competition never goes away, that popularity contest that exists in middle school and high school, simply transitions to college and then the job market. There is no point when everyone on the planet suddenly becomes on equal footing, a high school nerd is rarely transformed into Cinderella upon entrance into college. That’s not to say that she can’t find new friends, increase her support group and perhaps avoid past bullies. Then there’s the fact that at some point the near majority of individual’s parents will eventually stop bank rolling their lives. Hence your fabulous new ability to choose to do whatever you want, hopefully within legal limits, is again limited by your financial situation. This situation often doesn’t improve anytime in your young adult immediate future. Most of those fortunate to go to college leave school strapped with debt and fighting fiercely for a job that will pay the bills. Eventually, you get married and you have children, often not much more financially well off, now your responsible for another human being, maybe multiple. That tiny little baby depends on you 24/7. So while you are still “in charge” and able to make all of your decisions, those decisions are dictated by new responsibilities. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but why on earth does a 13-year-old think she wants to grow up. Enjoy having summers off, sleeping in, not having any responsibilities to dictate your days, read, go to movies, sit by the pool, take a nap, because while you continuously nag about having nothing to do, I assure you that any one of us young adults would happily trade places with you for a day.

Then, just maybe, you would realize how silly that mini skirt looks, and enjoy the fact that you have nothing to do on a random Wednesday afternoon in June.

All my Love,

Your future self.

 

End of a Breastfeeding Era

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I know, you’re probably thinking that based on my sporadic posting that I’m going to tell you I’ve decided to stop blogging. Sorry, you’re not off the hook that easily, I have to have someone to share my awesomeness gibberish with. Today marks one week of not breastfeeding. I left last Thursday for Chicago and then Georgia and was gone almost 5 days during which there was no frozen milk supply or any alternate to whole milk. Granted she’s 19 months old, so it’s not really a problem except she loves to nurse. Apparently not enough lately though, because unlike in January where I couldn’t make it without pumping while we were in Vegas, I had absolutely no problem in Savannah. Simply because there was no milk.

How do you explain this to a 19 month old who clings to you and yells “eat eat eat”?  I thought each day would get better, but it seems each day is a little worse. It tears at your heart, I want to give in to the fact that I know she just appreciates the sheer comfort of it, but at the same time I know I’m just postponing the inevitable. So I redirect, offer attractive snacks at times and in amounts never before heard of, how about marshmallows, disgusting chemical filth I would probably not normally give you, sure you can have fistfuls, how about a sucker or cookie or here just lick the sugar from the bag. Anything to make you happy, since this is breaking my heart just a little bit. It’s made worse by knowing she’s probably going to be the baby forever and you want everything to last forever with the baby, really you just want to stop time and keep them little forever.

Except we can’t. From the minute they are born they are growing away from us, first they roll away, crawl away, walk away, eventually they make new friends and want to play with them, next they are off at school and we become less and less important until finally the day comes when they go out into the world on their own, away from us. Yet no matter where they go, there is a part of them that are always secure in our hearts and it aches a little as if a piece of us is missing, each time they grow away.

Now after all of the complaining about the challenges of nursing a breastfeeding toddler, I should celebrate. I mean really let’s review, I can drink more than an occasional glass of wine, take allergy medicine again, and I’ll never have to pull out that dreaded breast pump again. I should be pouring margaritas and toasting to the end of this era. Yet instead, I just feel sad.

 

The Angry Face

Who wouldn’t want to give that face, whatever she desires!