Monthly Archives: July 2012

Know you’re a Mommy When; Underwear Style

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Really, it should say, The WHOLE WIDE WORLD knows you’re a Mommy when…

Le sigh.

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Fifty Shades of Mommy Porn

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While I don’t make a habit of doing book reviews and I’m not sure I could call it that, I couldn’t help jumping on the bandwagon and add a bit of unwanted/unneeded commentary. So if I’ve lapsed a bit in blog writing it’s because I’ve been busy with 2 kids immersed in a bit of mommy porn. I can’t take credit for the name mommy porn either if you haven’t already heard it, that’s actually what someone else called it at work that place I go to avoid my children 2 days a week (hey we all have our escapes so quit judging) and what it’s been called on the internet.

Fifty Shades of Mommy Porn (which might be what it really is), is better known as the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy (Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker, Fifty Shades Freed). Which tracks the relationship? (if you can call it that) of one Anastasia Steele, innocent recent college graduate (but apparently unknowing fan of kinky shit) and Christian Grey (former sadist turned Dominant i.e. I like to control all things sexual and otherwise because I can/need to and to quote the book megalomaniac). The book is considered erotica and I’m beginning to think it may be the new way in which people secretly judge just where you fall on the how comfortable you are with your sexuality spectrum (aka are you secretly into kinky fu*$ery) by how you respond to questions regarding your interest in the books and whether you’ve read them. For example if you’ve read them and found them a sad excuse for erotica, there will be some that think you’re clearly a sadist and their opinion of you will never be the same, perhaps you’re like me though and it has nothing to do with erotica and you just want to send Ms. E.L. James a gift wrapped thesaurus midway through the second book and tell her to find some new words because if you have to read any form of the word beguile again you might pull your hair out and not in a sexual sort of way, but a I can’t stand to f*$king read this anymore unless you find some new verbs, nouns and adjectives.

I will say this, I’ve never been a big fan of the word F%$K and really don’t find its need in society, however after having read these three books, I don’t think the word will ever phase me again. It’s used so often in the books that you could walk up to me and say “I’m off to the grocery store this afternoon, then I’m going home to F*&K the pool boy” and I would be like “Have fun” thinking you had just said something as normal as I’m going to run home and then take the kids to gymnastics. It’s now as innocuous as the word “the” in my everyday language, it has basically no effect on me. We’ll see how long that lasts.

Bottom Line: Read the first book, it’s the best (and perhaps the worst or best in the erotica sense if that’s what your reading them for you dirty reader you) and will tell you whether to keep reading or stop. But ultimately I think everyone can read these and learn a little about themselves while doing it, even if it’s as simple as you don’t like the books. Lastly, while E.L. James is not the new Charlotte Bronte, the books are truly deep down a romance and I for one, am always a sucker for a romance even poorly written and hidden in all kinds of “kinky fuc&ery”.

I give them 2-2.5 out of 4 stars. And highly encourage them to anyone trying to get pregnant right now. =)

 

Techno Hypocrites & Awesome Outlets

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I’ve fully admitted my husband and I are techno junkies, at least within our income means. We are also anti-technology when it comes to our children, hence the hypocrites, which I’ve talked about in I’m not Anti-Techonology, I’m Pro-Kid. Anyway, awhile back I found this awesome USB outlet on Pinterest with USB ports to charge all your gadgets without the need for a converter. Sure that my husband who works in the electrical industry was keeping this fabulous idea from me, I sent it to him. Miraculously, I had stumbled onto something before him [CUE crazy miraculous music]. Needless to say that sparked him to find out if it was something that he could find from a supplier… and viola!

USB Outlet Awesomeness in my kitchen. Works with our iPads and iPods!!!!

Want to know where you can get one from, leave me a comment and I’ll get back to you!

Maybe I’ll even do my first giveaway with one….

Acrobatic Breastfeeding Nymphs

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When you first start breastfeeding your biggest concerns center on latching on, positioning, frequency, soreness, adjusting to breastfeeding, fast forward 9 months if you make it that long and you enter a whole new realm of challenging. Suddenly your baby who used to snuggle in and feed herself to sleep thinks she should be entertained while feeding and if you won’t do it she’ll do it herself. How you might ask? Well there’s always slapping you in the face or chest repeatedly. That’s a favorite. Then there is the nose grab, which is almost as painful as the sucker punch but not quite. If that isn’t enough there’s always the crazy legs, kicking at you, away from you. It gets even more entertaining when they decide that isn’t enough and they should make a game out of feeding itself, latching on and then off, rolling away giggling then diving bombing your chest. Screaming desperately if you even think to stop these shenanigans or try to instill some breastfeeding manners (There are such things you know, but I can’t get my kids to sleep most nights so I feel breastfeeding manners are beyond in the realm of possibility). Yet somehow people always think it’s the teeth that makes breastfeeding an older baby/toddler challenging. I’ve never been bitten but I sure was  sucker punched the other day.

Pippa won her first metal this past weekend competing in the Riverfest Baby Races, where she out crawled another baby who flat out refused to crawl at all in the 6-9 month category. Somehow given her recent breastfeeding acrobatics including arching her back in little backbends and contorting her body into a pretzel all while nursing, I suspect this is only one of many metals to come, the rest likely in gymnastics.

Anyone else have amazingly acrobatic little ones or future karate champs on their hands breasts?

Nothing tastes better than 1st Place!!!

Related articles

Addicted to Diapers

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(Photo Credit: Someecards)

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to go back and play 20 questions with yourself, sometime in the past? For example if almost 30 me when back and chatted with 17 or 18-year-old me, I can only imagine the reunion would go something like this…

Teenager Me upon seeing Future Me arrive: Gasps…where did those 30 pounds come from and what happened to your hair, it isn’t blond anymore? What are you doing to future me?????????? Note that teenager me was a little vain and suffered from rather nasty eating disorder toward the end of high school.

Future Me: Yeah about that, the question is where did those 15 pounds come from, because you could gain at least 10, and it was a small price to pay for future children, and surprisingly, unfortunately, in reality blond you sticks around for quite some time.

Teenager Me: Taking in this information and glancing at Future Me’s wedding ring: WAY TO GET MARRIED!!!! What’s he like? (Can we say one-track mind?)

Future Me: NO NO NO, no giving away anything you’ll have to do that on your own, but he’s perfect for you, that’s all I’ll say!  Now I’ve got a few questions for you…How do you feel about diapers?

Teenager Me: UGH diapers smell bad, and aren’t they really bad for the environment? Teenager me already cared about the environment, just not her own body, what can I say, nobody’s perfect. Teenager me also had no idea what cloth diapers were except something her parents or grandparents used and were believed to be extinct much like a triceratops.

Future Me: Yes diapers, don’t you think they’re completely addicting…don’t you care about your future children?

Teenager Me: Umm perhaps you should seek therapy, meanwhile I think I’ll have a diet coke.

Future Me: Okay but make sure to STUDY!!! and don’t drink too much!!! (what can I say I’m a mother)

Clearly teenager me must think I have some kind of weird obsession with poop if I love diapers this much. You might think I’ve lost my mind, but then I would have to ask you, do you use cloth diapers? Because you probably don’t. They are super addicting. Not just because they are actually cheaper than disposable diapers (albeit your initial investment is a bit higher), they are better for the environment (don’t get me started on my insane theory  that someday we’re going to send all the disposable diapers from the landfills to a black hole without actually knowing the effect this will have on the universe), better for your baby’s bottom (think less chemicals) and honestly they are way cuter. I think it’s this last bit that has so many of us addicted. There are so many different options and kinds from cotton babies including the well-known bumGenius and flip to best bottom  to FuzziBunz to Tiny Tush (From WI <3) and so so many others, those are just some of my favorites. Cloth diapers come in a never ending sea of colors, patterns, styles and materials. There are cloth diapers for all occasions.  To the point that I have to refrain from adding to my stash simply because I want her to have that super cute pattern or color not because she needs another cloth diaper. That’s what’s so great about them though, they are not just functional but adorable, easy to use and wash as well and who doesn’t love adorable.  I think we may have to start support groups, alternatively perhaps some kind of diaper swapping program because at this rate,  when you just want to keep buying it’s not so much the savings that cloth diapers give you but the hug that your giving mother nature by using them and the ability to keep the chemicals typically found in disposable diapers off your baby’s bottom. But seriously how does THIS in lovelace not make your heart swoon. Clearly I need help, I wonder what they call an addiction to diapers?

Anyone else out there have this problem, perhaps we could start a support group  buy in bulk together for some kind of discount? =)

English: Cloth Diaper

English: Cloth Diaper (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Disclaimer: None of the above links paid or gave me anything for mentioning them in my word vomit, think of this as merely the 1st step in admitting my addiction at which time I mention some of my favorite cloth diaper manufacturers. If for any reason you buy something for reading this, lucky them, if you continue to keep reading this, lucky me!

Haircut Defeat

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I caved. It was too much pressure, but at least I caved listening to what I think was a logical argument or at least logical enough to wear down my defenses. Also I only caved minutely, in the grand scheme of things many of you won’t be able to even tell he got his hair cut. I have a little envelope with wisps of golden blond hair to prove you wrong. I heard all kinds of complaints, from “he looks like a girl, his hair is too long, it has to be too hot, and if you cut it, it will only get curlier”, to all kinds of praise “don’t cut it, he looks adorable, I love those curls, the curls really suit him.” While he was occasionally confused by some strangers of being a girl, I have found that strangers constantly mistake children of the 2 and under variety of being the opposite gender, when he was a baby I could have him decked out in blue with a football on his chest and they would come by our stroller or shopping cart and say “what a precious little girl” and I would be like “what you blind” at least that’s what my internal Mama defenses would roar, I would usually just mutter something like “Thank You, HE’s six months old (with perhaps a touch too much emphasis on the he). Anyway, I digress.

After lots of people saying it was too hot for such long hair, combined with the fact that it was getting super long in the front and wildly uneven, I caved for a 1/2 inch trim. That’s it. Oh and I wasn’t paying for it. So my mom, a big defender of the let’s get this kid a haircut idea, orchestrated the whole thing, down to getting him some new books to look at while it happened. She actually did a really good job of distracting of him and making it fun, but let’s make this clear, this kid made OUT. Pre haircut he got a yogurt parfait from McDonalds to eat, then he got to look at no less than 3 new books during the 8 minute haircut, which she bought for him. We opted not to have his wet at all for fear he would flip so it was a dry cut, we also left the area around his ears for last because of his history with ear infections he is very sensitive to people getting anywhere near his ears. Inevitably one side did have to have more than the 1/2 inch taken off because it had grown so much longer on one side than the other so to even it out he had to have more cut. Also the hair stylist confirmed my suspicion that his hair is still filling in and he still has baby hair that is being replaced, one of the reasons I didn’t want to do a major haircut. We ended about to argue over whether to cut his front shorter,but Brecken ended any discussion and with a flick of his hand at where the scissors were hovering above his head, he was DONE. Then he got a sucker for having not interfered with the whole process until the very end. Jackpot.

Now how long before everyone wants a 2nd haircut, probably like a week. SIGH. Overall though I was impressed with how well he did and our ability to get out of there intact without his hair looking awful due to some snap movement of his head, hand or both. I was also impressed that it only cost $10.00, we took him to The Ultimate Salon and Spa in Onalaska and it was very reasonable and she did a really great job with him. We will definitely go back.

So for all of you that have been waiting, here’s the pictures…

Has anyone else had a fun or horrible 1st haircut story?

(Immediately post hair cut, aka the brief time period it actually looks shorter)

What it looked like 45 minutes later

and the Curls Survived!!!!!