Epic. Potty. Fail.


I think I’ve been ready for potty training since we had to switch from cloth diapers to regular disposable ones because no matter how many natural butt creams, not so natural butt creams combined with diaper liners, diaper stripping, fleece vs. flannel we tried, Brecken got horrible blistering butt rashes from cloth diapers. We eventually had to choose between screaming, tantrum filled, painful diaper changes with a miserable toddler suffering through cloth diapers or permanently switching to disposables. That isn’t to say they magically cleared everything up but it was like 20x better with only occasional teething/heat rashes. So we cringed and started to buy “disposables”, honestly how can something that is estimated to take between 250 -500 years to decompose be called disposable? They should be called diapers we use and leave for our future generations to deal with, DWULFGDW for short. It literally pains me every time I buy a package, like I am personally stabbing some future generation of me with a knife, feel that, deal with it, it’s your problem. Maybe you think I’m over reacting but in 1998 the Environmental Protection Agency found that diapers made up 3.8 million tons of waste or 2.1% of U.S. garbage in landfills and that was 13 years ago, I was like a freshmen in high school, can you imagine how many more diapers there are now. Then there’s all the nasty chemicals and crap that goes into them that we are constantly putting on our children’s bums, have you ever seen the inside of a “disposable” diaper, those little beads are like alien substance made from god knows what to be able to suck in the pee and just hold it there.

diaper: absorbing inside

diaper: absorbing inside (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So now that I’ve given you a small glimpse into why “disposable” diapers make my skin peel,, I could go on, all night, it could be an entire post in itself, but I won’t do that to you, at least not today, but now you may understand what I mean when I say that I’ve been ready for potty training since we started having to use them  around when Brecken was 14 months old. He is now nearly 26 months old and I barely have any skin left.

Needless to say my being ready, doesn’t mean he is ready. We have danced, tangoed, waltzed, and hokey pokeyed around it for months now. We have talked potty, sounds dirty doesn’t it, it’s really not, we have potty cheered, we have tried to lead by example and gotten excited about the potty. If for some reason you’re reading this and don’t have kids, don’t let it scare you, just think of it as the “SHIT KARMA” someone did this for you, and one day you must pay it forward and do it for someone else. We started trying to get Brecken to go potty between diaper changes and he had him all excited right after Christmas but then he kind of fell out of it, so we left it alone, then recently he seemed to really get back into it. He would happily go potty during diaper changes, cheering, clapping and happily accepting a few jelly bellies for peeing. We even got him to poop once or twice. So feeling high on all this potty business, never thought you’d hear that did you, I decided to go for it, NAKED POTTY TRAINING. Never heard of it? You can read about it here.  I couldn’t follow the recommendations precisely because who the hell has three whole days to give up with their spouse to do this kind of crap. Clearly these people don’t work. So I naked potty trained solo, perhaps had I had my husband here and we came up with snappy cheers like “Give me a P-E-E in the P-O-T-T-Y  You RAH RAH YAY Potty”, then we would have been more successful, or maybe said song would have driven me to hiding in the depths of our largest closet, either are possible.

It didn’t go awful, we started out playing in the playroom and time just ticked away. After an hour I was like WTF there are no accidents, no going potty, no nothing. He claimed he didn’t have to go and wouldn’t try going. So I began, cringe, giving him juice. I’m not a huge fan of giving toddlers/preschoolers juice, it doesn’t have any particular nutritional value and I just don’t feel it’s really a necessary part of their diet but I knew that since he already had his morning milk that it was the one thing I could be sure he would suck down like his life depended on it. So he drank like a fish and we waited… that’s pretty much how the day went. After a couple of accidents, where he generally caught himself about half way through then wanted to finish on the potty I thought progress was being made. Then out of nowhere he decided he could only use the potty by himself and terrible screaming tantrums would ensure if I tried to help or be in the bathroom at the same time. When left to his own “business” he would pretend to potty and then wash his hands like 10x. As if that weren’t enough then out of nowhere he decides he is going to pee like Papa. This means he stands in front of the toilet, lifts his mini mandango up there so that it basically rests on the edge of the toilet because that’s about how tall he is and we have really short toilets. Thank GOSH he never actually peed like this or we would have really had an accident. By bedtime he was begging for diapers and absolutely refused to go anywhere near the potty.  I was not optimistic for day two. This morning he threw a total tantrum, real tears and everything, begging for his diaper, I’m pretty sure because he knew he had to poop having refused to last night and wouldn’t use the potty to do it. Regardless of my hate for “disposable” diapers, I am not going to force potty train my 26 month old under duress. I do not want him to hate the potty, at least not until he is almost 4 and still not potty trained, so we will chalk this up to an epic potty fail and wait, while I continue to take small stabs at my future generations every time we go to Target.


One response »

  1. This made me smile 🙂 I have 3 girls. With my oldest, I did the “naked potty training” over a weekend, and it worked like a charm. She was 2 and a half. Three days, no accidents. Done. Potty training my middle one….almost. killed. me. Off and on, it took 2 years. Lots of accidents, lots of cheering, potty songs, stickers, jelly beans, etc. FINALLY she got it. With my youngest, I didn’t really try. Basically, I just took her into the potty with me, so she would gain interest, and let her pretty much train herself. No pressure. One night, just when I thought I was an epic failure at training anything, including the family dogs….she announced “I went pee pee, mommy. Come see.” Sure enough, she had. And she has been doing it ever since 🙂

    I do have a suggestion, when your little man is ready. If you haven’t already, put red food coloring in the toilet water, so when he pees on it, the water turns orange. Or, it could be blue so it turns green. That might convince him he is a super hero with powers to turn the water different colors!! Just a thought…

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